Friday, March 05, 2010
Haiku T-shirt
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
In the Middle of the Night
Take a piss, lay down,
Fart real quiet, hear her stir: STENCH
Pretend I'm asleep
Fart real quiet, hear her stir: STENCH
Pretend I'm asleep
Thursday, October 11, 2007
work
when you fart at work
it's important to open
the window wide, duh
it's important to open
the window wide, duh
Friday, April 07, 2006
Pissku
So dehydrated
Must pee out booze from last night
Ew, it's so yellow.
Must pee out booze from last night
Ew, it's so yellow.
Site News
Some of the comments on Rachel's blog got me to thinking that this blog is not dirty or diverse enough. Plus, how much can you really write haikus about just farting (well, quite a bit, it would seem).
So, while this blog will retain its fartarific name, I hereby open it to all mean of nastiness.
Huzzah!
So, while this blog will retain its fartarific name, I hereby open it to all mean of nastiness.
Huzzah!
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Yoga
When I do yoga
There's always hot women, but
Dog pose spurs dog farts
There's always hot women, but
Dog pose spurs dog farts
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Work
I fart really bad
Hot coworker waltzes in
Please don't come near me
Hot coworker waltzes in
Please don't come near me
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Bletjuice
the thing i like most
about the stars up above
is that they're gaseous
about the stars up above
is that they're gaseous
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Cell Phone Organizer
Today my phone gave me a
reminder of today's great task:
"farting on pillow haiku"
reminder of today's great task:
"farting on pillow haiku"
Friday, January 06, 2006
Monday, January 02, 2006
dairy dairy quite
contrary, you aren't so nice
without lactaid pills
contrary, you aren't so nice
without lactaid pills
someone snuck onions
in the loaf of sausage bread
guess it's time to go
in the loaf of sausage bread
guess it's time to go
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Clear!
Oh, what a relief!
That all of my recent farts
Have not been sloppy.
That all of my recent farts
Have not been sloppy.
Friday, December 09, 2005
On the season's first snowfall
Whenever it snows
Soon enough, all of the snow
Looks like someone crapped.
Soon enough, all of the snow
Looks like someone crapped.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Being bloated
If you never fart
Then your insides will expand
Until you blow up
Then your insides will expand
Until you blow up
Friday, December 02, 2005
branching out
enemas sound gross
but don't knock until you've tried
maybe they feel good.
but don't knock until you've tried
maybe they feel good.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
chach stylings
perhaps I could braid
or shave a nice lightning bolt
triangle hairdo's
or shave a nice lightning bolt
triangle hairdo's
Monday, November 28, 2005
Reflecting on Thanksgiving
How hard it can be
To hold in that foul gas
When the turkey's passed
To hold in that foul gas
When the turkey's passed
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
On the Prospect of Wednesday's 7 hour flight to Lithuania
When you're on a plane,
Only one Rule to obey:
Never ever fart!
Only one Rule to obey:
Never ever fart!
Monday, November 21, 2005
Moving to Seattle
Something's erupting.
Millions of lives in danger?
No, it's just lava.
Millions of lives in danger?
No, it's just lava.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Doggie Bed
used to let my dog
climb into bed, but always,
she'd fart in my face.
climb into bed, but always,
she'd fart in my face.
like a voiceless sigh
air travels by my sphincter
en route to your nose
If I chance forget
what 'twas for lunch I ate
my bum reminds me
my cheeks split in two
so that air when passing through
makes them clap a song
air travels by my sphincter
en route to your nose
If I chance forget
what 'twas for lunch I ate
my bum reminds me
my cheeks split in two
so that air when passing through
makes them clap a song
Friday, November 11, 2005
Cut and Blow
Pissing in your ear,
Going ka ka in your mouth,
What's this all about?!
I killed myself by
Holding my own head under
covers and farting.
Bombs blasting, children
crying at the rancid air.
War's new sound is toot.
Like a stealth bomber
unheard, my bum delivers
a dutch oven death.
you must light a match
when you release too much gas
or your nose will faint
When I feel a toot
that's sloppy and wet to boot
Hershey is it you?
Going ka ka in your mouth,
What's this all about?!
I killed myself by
Holding my own head under
covers and farting.
Bombs blasting, children
crying at the rancid air.
War's new sound is toot.
Like a stealth bomber
unheard, my bum delivers
a dutch oven death.
you must light a match
when you release too much gas
or your nose will faint
When I feel a toot
that's sloppy and wet to boot
Hershey is it you?
